Hey, fags!!!!

Update your bookmarks! I have a new blog!

Me and this other fag are writing it, and you can read it here.

Change your bookmarks to gaysthinkitsfabulous.com.

See ya soon, bitches!!

There's nothing like a H.J. from a monkey...

... until said monkey laughs at your peen.

Worst. Timing. Ever.

I totes remember when these commercials were on TV when I was like a freshman in high school.

Needless to say, this company SO doesn't exist anymore.

Koalas, tigers and platypi are all SO FUCKED

This morning my friend Rob sent me a link to my new favorite website ever: Fuck You, Penguin.

Basically, this guy (I'm assuming) puts adorable animals in their place -- day by day, species by species, curse by genius curse.

I wish I'd thought of this.

I'm so in lurve.

The whorehouse across the street

So there is this doomed restaurant space across the street from my apartment building. It was an abandoned seafood restaurant when I moved in in 1902. It was (briefly) a really wonderful incarnation of Jerry's in the early 2000s. (Yes, I just said "early 2000s.")

And now, it has just opened as a restaurant called....

Wait for it... wait for it...

IL BORDELLO.

I'M SORRY, WHAT?!?!

I honestly don't know if anyone told the very sweet woman (I've been there, I've met her) who owns it that "bordello" means "place where you can go to get crabs in your pubic hairs or the clap from a vagina" but she has gone and named her restaurant that anyway.

They served me a nice Pinot Noir.

They also served me hot nuts. FOR SEERS.

I'm just saying.

OMG I'M BACK, BITCHES!

So what with the world ending and and the international financial markets crashing and the helicoptor-wolf-killing beauty queen almost taking control of the White House I haven't felt like blogging much this fall. But then I happened to get sucked into the vortex that is/was THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA and all that changed.

This show is/was the SHIZZNIT.

I assume there will be a second and seventeenth season.

In the meantime, I will be trying to retrieve my head from Saturn as I ponder:

a) NeNe. (Please see above.) She will cut you. If I ever get into a bar fight, I will take off my earrings and hand them to her.
b) Kim's singing career.
c) Kim's vocal coach.
d) Kim's hair.
e) Kim's fake cancer.
f) The fact that Kim wants us to believe that she is TWENTY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.
g) Please see for reference: Kim.

h) I'd keep going here, but I have to wrap my head around Rosie O'Donnell's live holiday spesh (featuring: URINETOWN* jokes!!!!).
i) Pistol to temple.
j) G'night!

*For those of you who don’t know, and there are probably lots of you: URINETOWN is a Broadway show that closed in early 2004.

Summer vacay 2008

This is why I love Ptown:

a) I am now friends with House Hunters' Suzanne Whang.

I shit you not. I met her at tea the other night and this afternoon I passed her on the street and she literally lit up and smiled and was all, "OH HI!!!!!!!" (This would never happen in NYC. And by that I mean, no parts of this story would EVER come to pass. IN A MILLION YEARS.)

b) I am now all about smiling at strangers, young and old, and generally being nice.

c) I have petted about 867 dogs.

d) The longest walk to the most amazing beach. So worth it.

e) Cod, bass and lobster.

f) I played trivia games with Lea Delaria yesterday afternoon and then watched her appearance on One Life To Live with her. Please see above re: never happening in NYC.

g) IN. A. MILLION. YEARS.